Coming out isn’t a
debutante ball, it’s a risk that can put lives in jeopardy. I’m not surprised that up to 40% of gay teens
attempt suicide each year according to the Suicide Prevention Resource
Center. Nor was I shocked to learn that
40% of youths that are homeless are identified as LGBT since many were forced
to leave upon coming out. The streets
subject these young Americans to situations that can lead to crime, disease,
mental illness, addictions and death. I
was one of the 40% in both cases. I was
one of the lucky ones. I was rescued.
When I was a child my sexuality was never in question, it
was a topic best not discussed. My
parents tried several methods to alter my nature with methods ranging from
religion, medicine and “witchcraft.” I
was ten when they sent me to the first psychiatric center which began a series
of drug trials to see which combination would “provide positive changes” in my
mental health. The third center
experimented with “holistic” methods from herbs to hypnosis, all failed miserably. My faith was probably the strongest weapon my
parents could wield. They knew the dogma
and quoted them as Scripture creating an intense feeling of self-hatred. When that didn’t work the beatings commenced,
my dad’s equivalent to stoning. I can’t
tell you how many times I was forced to be the “skins” in gym class so everyone
could see the bruises on my back and legs to add to my shame. When I turned fourteen I had “The Talk” with
my parents, two days later I was handed a backpack and told I could take
whatever I could carry.
I won’t go into too much detail on how I survived the
next several months; after twenty five years there are some things I haven’t
completely coped with. I had to learn
very quickly how to take care of myself and how far I would go to do so. One November night in Montana I was huddled
between a piece of plywood and a laundry mat dryer vent to keep warm when I was
rescued. That night I got a hot shower, food, a place to sleep and “Zach” asked
for nothing in return. He insisted that
I call my parents and let them know I was safe, but their reaction was a
laundry list of threats. He showed
genuine concern for me and told me I could stay as long as I needed. For the first time in years I felt safe.
Today there is an estimated 320,000 to 400,000 LGBT
youths facing homelessness each year and there is little being done to help
them. Sending them back to abusive
situations would only increase the abuse and suicide rate among this fragile
demographic. It’s extremely difficult to
find a quality foster home for a straight teen, the likelihood of finding a
home for a gay teen would be nearly impossible. If government supervised group homes were
available many of the kids would probably still prefer the streets to a prisonlike
environment. It’s time we considered another
option and allow the estimated 646,464 LGBT households in America to open their
doors to provide a safe home for these at-risk young adults.
I know such a suggestion would immediately be shot down
if it ever came up for a vote, but consider the options. Many LGBT couples across America have a desire
to have children but cannot due to laws and bias against them. I understand there would need to be a few
additional hands at Children’s Services to monitor these homes, but I can’t
think of a better environment for these teens to learn how to become
responsible adults. I know several
stable couples willing to lend their spare bedrooms to these forgotten children
at their own expense, but are afraid the law would immediately have them
labeled as kidnappers and sexual predators.
The important thing is these kids would have a chance at a normal life,
finish school and move on to being productive members of society. Zach
took that risk with me and I turned out alright.
There was a young gay teen named Daniel who came from one
of the worst homes I can imagine. His
mother, trying to support her heroin addiction, started prostituting him out at
age thirteen to men in their fifties.
She claimed she was teaching him a lesson about the wrongs of
homosexuality. Daniel’s mother was
arrested and sent to prison when he was fifteen. He was placed in a foster home with Ben, a
single gay man of twenty eight who had a strong desire to be a parent. Daniel outed Ben to his social worker in casual
conversation about how happy he was in his home of nearly a year. Daniel was moved to a new home within the week
and he quickly ran away. A couple weeks
later his body was found with a suicide note.
In it he talked about how his new home was strongly anti-gay and his
social worker wouldn’t move him. He
ended the letter with an expression of the thanks and love he felt for Ben, the
only dad he ever really knew. If Daniel
had been allowed to stay with Ben, he’d be twenty seven and may have fulfilled his
dream of being a lawyer. He wanted to
practice family law to help others like him.
It’s time to consider allowing LGBT teens to move into
gay homes if they don’t feel safe living with their parents. Considering their needs over social norms
would be a great first step in preventing hundreds of thousands of these kids
from ending up on the street. The
average age of gay homeless teens in America is 13.5 years, an age where most
courts are willing to listen to a child during custody battles. If an eleven year old is able to choose his
home in the event of a divorce, it’s time the courts start listening to gay
teens before they disappear. When
placing a child in a foster home or adoption, one of the things they examine is
the cultural background of the perspective parents. Whenever possible they try to keep children
in homes where they will be able to maintain their cultural identity and not
feel like a complete outsider, usually based on race or religion. Similarly, a gay teen should be given the
choice to live in a safe supportive home.
