Give LGBT Teens a Choice Other Than the Streets

Coming out isn’t a debutante ball, it’s a risk that can put lives in jeopardy.  I’m not surprised that up to 40% of gay teens attempt suicide each year according to the Suicide Prevention Resource Center.  Nor was I shocked to learn that 40% of youths that are homeless are identified as LGBT since many were forced to leave upon coming out.   The streets subject these young Americans to situations that can lead to crime, disease, mental illness, addictions and death.  I was one of the 40% in both cases.  I was one of the lucky ones.  I was rescued.

When I was a child my sexuality was never in question, it was a topic best not discussed.  My parents tried several methods to alter my nature with methods ranging from religion, medicine and “witchcraft.”  I was ten when they sent me to the first psychiatric center which began a series of drug trials to see which combination would “provide positive changes” in my mental health.  The third center experimented with “holistic” methods from herbs to hypnosis, all failed miserably.  My faith was probably the strongest weapon my parents could wield.  They knew the dogma and quoted them as Scripture creating an intense feeling of self-hatred.  When that didn’t work the beatings commenced, my dad’s equivalent to stoning.  I can’t tell you how many times I was forced to be the “skins” in gym class so everyone could see the bruises on my back and legs to add to my shame.  When I turned fourteen I had “The Talk” with my parents, two days later I was handed a backpack and told I could take whatever I could carry. 

I won’t go into too much detail on how I survived the next several months; after twenty five years there are some things I haven’t completely coped with.   I had to learn very quickly how to take care of myself and how far I would go to do so.  One November night in Montana I was huddled between a piece of plywood and a laundry mat dryer vent to keep warm when I was rescued. That night I got a hot shower, food, a place to sleep and “Zach” asked for nothing in return.  He insisted that I call my parents and let them know I was safe, but their reaction was a laundry list of threats.  He showed genuine concern for me and told me I could stay as long as I needed.  For the first time in years I felt safe.

Today there is an estimated 320,000 to 400,000 LGBT youths facing homelessness each year and there is little being done to help them.  Sending them back to abusive situations would only increase the abuse and suicide rate among this fragile demographic.  It’s extremely difficult to find a quality foster home for a straight teen, the likelihood of finding a home for a gay teen would be nearly impossible.  If government supervised group homes were available many of the kids would probably still prefer the streets to a prisonlike environment.  It’s time we considered another option and allow the estimated 646,464 LGBT households in America to open their doors to provide a safe home for these at-risk young adults.

I know such a suggestion would immediately be shot down if it ever came up for a vote, but consider the options.  Many LGBT couples across America have a desire to have children but cannot due to laws and bias against them.  I understand there would need to be a few additional hands at Children’s Services to monitor these homes, but I can’t think of a better environment for these teens to learn how to become responsible adults.  I know several stable couples willing to lend their spare bedrooms to these forgotten children at their own expense, but are afraid the law would immediately have them labeled as kidnappers and sexual predators.  The important thing is these kids would have a chance at a normal life, finish school and move on to being productive members of society.   Zach took that risk with me and I turned out alright. 

There was a young gay teen named Daniel who came from one of the worst homes I can imagine.  His mother, trying to support her heroin addiction, started prostituting him out at age thirteen to men in their fifties.  She claimed she was teaching him a lesson about the wrongs of homosexuality.  Daniel’s mother was arrested and sent to prison when he was fifteen.  He was placed in a foster home with Ben, a single gay man of twenty eight who had a strong desire to be a parent.  Daniel outed Ben to his social worker in casual conversation about how happy he was in his home of nearly a year.  Daniel was moved to a new home within the week and he quickly ran away.  A couple weeks later his body was found with a suicide note.  In it he talked about how his new home was strongly anti-gay and his social worker wouldn’t move him.  He ended the letter with an expression of the thanks and love he felt for Ben, the only dad he ever really knew.  If Daniel had been allowed to stay with Ben, he’d be twenty seven and may have fulfilled his dream of being a lawyer.  He wanted to practice family law to help others like him.

It’s time to consider allowing LGBT teens to move into gay homes if they don’t feel safe living with their parents.  Considering their needs over social norms would be a great first step in preventing hundreds of thousands of these kids from ending up on the street.  The average age of gay homeless teens in America is 13.5 years, an age where most courts are willing to listen to a child during custody battles.  If an eleven year old is able to choose his home in the event of a divorce, it’s time the courts start listening to gay teens before they disappear.  When placing a child in a foster home or adoption, one of the things they examine is the cultural background of the perspective parents.  Whenever possible they try to keep children in homes where they will be able to maintain their cultural identity and not feel like a complete outsider, usually based on race or religion.  Similarly, a gay teen should be given the choice to live in a safe supportive home. 

Why I Believe I Can Be Jewish and Gay

It’s difficult to turn on any news program without finding some discussion on homosexuality and religion.  President Barack Obama has confirmed his support of Gay Marriage; giving hope to millions they may finally have equal rights under the law.   The Gay Marriage debate seems to have turned everyone into a Biblical scholar that can only quote a couple admonishments of homosexuality in Scripture and that is enough to prove their point.  Before that every network had some dramatic telling of Dan Savage’s attack on religion.  With these new hot topics being on the top of everyone’s mind, I’ve been asked several times how I can reconcile my Judaism with my homosexuality.

My answer is simple: Most people don’t know how to read the Torah or Bible.  I’m sure I’ve just angered 99% of the people who will read this; but it’s true.  Most people, me included, are cherry pickers when reading the Good Book.  By picking out the single line from the center of a paragraph one can invent any interpretation they chose, usually out of context.  Religious leaders have been doing this for centuries and their misinterpretations have become dogma.  A wise rabbi once told me to read my TaNaKH (Jewish Bible) with the same enthusiasm I had when I read the Harry Potter series and when I did, it was like reading a completely new book.

Leviticus 18 is usually the first example given of G-d’s abhorrence to homosexuality.  Sure, line 22 would seem to be such an admonishment if you choose to read only that line.  The chapter actually starts with a rewording of the First Utterance (First and Second Commandments), reaffirming who our G-d is.  We’re also advised not to fall into the practices of the Egyptians and Canaanites.  We’re provided with a long list of women we shouldn’t have sex with for one reason or another; most of which should have been common sense.  Now that there’s all this sex on our minds, here’s an edict not sacrifice our babies to Molek (a local deity). Okay back to sex, we can’t do it with other guys or animals.  Once again, we’re told don’t do as they did and, just in case you missed it, here’s another reminder of who our G-d is. The parsha may appear to be about sexual purity on the surface, but I read it differently.

In my Comprehensive Writing course during high school, one of the things taught was basic writing structure.  First is the opening: Tell them what you’re going to tell them.  This is followed by a few lines or paragraphs of body: Tell them what you want to tell them. Finally comes the conclusion: Tell them what you told them.  It is not difficult to see that Leviticus 18 is written in the same structure and the main intent is clearly regarding idolatry, not sexual piety.  “I’m G-d. Don’t worship me the way they do their gods. Which means don’t do these things as sacred acts and sacrifices because as your G-d I don’t like it.”  If adultery were the issue, I am sure G-d would have used the Seventh Commandment to open and close the chapter.  Recently, a Born-Again Christian produced Romans 1:18-32 as proof of G-d’s hatred of gays, which steeled my opinion when I found it written in the same basic format showing the topic to be idolatry.

The next example frequently given is Sodom and Gomorrah in the story of Lot.  Here we have a guy living in a tent outside of town who gets a visit from three angels.  Every single male resident of the town want to “know” the three guests; obviously there would be rape involved. Lot refuses and offers his two virgin daughters, but all the men refuse take the virgins since the angels are their target.  I find it very unlikely that both towns were filled with nothing but gay men.  I think their main sin was, again, idolatry.  Archeology has shown us the gods worshipped throughout the Middle East in Biblical times required various sex and blood sacrifices and I believe the Sodomites were out to do just that.

Probably the most controversial love story in the Bible is the story of David and Jonathan.  You cannot read their story in the books of Samuel without seeing several examples of how strong their love was.  .  As the story progresses we find that David and Jonathan’s souls were “knit with one another”, an obvious reference to soul mates.  The two men are constant companions even after David starts marrying every woman who can improve his status which eventually helped make him king; history shows marriage was a tool to promote treaties, grow wealth and gain lands that would increase the size of a kingdom.  This love story is tragically ended when Jonathan is killed by the Philistines, to which David lamented,  “Your love was wonderful to me, more than the love of women.”   Scholars usually refer to this story as the first bromance; however, each year more are showing there is a certain level of intimacy to the story that suggest it was romantic in nature.  If David and Jonathan were lovers, G-d obviously did not disapprove since He loved David in all things; except when he committed adultery and murder by proxy so he could take Bathsheba as a wife.

Every religion teaches that nothing can exist in nature unless G-d allows it to be.  One would be surprised to know that homosexuality has been observed in over 1,500 different species on the Earth, from the most complex to extremely basic.  Five hundred of these species have had their homosexual tendencies well documented.    If G-d felt homosexuality was a grievous trait for any living being to possess, He would have eliminated it before the first creature ever showed signs. 

It took me many years to realize that I can be a man of faith and gay at the same time, they weren’t mutually exclusive.  There were many years that I called myself an atheist, Wiccan, or spiritualist, but I knew there was something missing.  It took a great man to show me that my sexuality had little influence on what religions were open to me.  I admit, for me it wasn’t an easy path but it was well worth traveling.  Because in the end I realized that G-d would love me as long as I continue to work on being the best person possible, even a gay one.

It's Just a Stinking T-Shirt

Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I will scream bigotry and anti-Semitism from the highest rooftop if I perceive it, whether it’s real or not. Recently, the Huffington Post printed an article about a t-shirt being sold by Urban Outfitters that has received harsh criticism from the Anti-Defamation League of Philadelphia because of its design. When I first saw the shirt in question I thought, “Those bastards!” But then I started thinking about it and recognized that I could apply a valuable lesson I learned from Ben Patrick Johnson. I don’t want to climb a ladder until I can be reasonably sure there is discrimination to scream about.

When Adam B. first brought the Huffington Post article regarding this shirt to my attention I was furious. Obviously Urban Outfitters was out to smack the Jewish community in the face with their obvious support of the Holocaust right after Yom HaShoah. Why else would they sell a goldenrod yellow shirt with a Star of David above the left breast? Clearly, some sort of Hitlerian influence was involved in the design of this t-shirt and the growing trend of anti-Semitism in America has gained more ground in our society. Furthermore, they used a two-toned bluish-gray Star of David over the pocket! Clearly, this shirt was a reversal of the Auschwitz uniforms the Jews had to wear, if they were offered clothing at all. And what would this bundle of bigotry cost you? One hundred dollars! Clearly, Urban Outfitters values its hatred of Jews.

Then I started looking at the basic design of the t-shirt. It’s a simple pocket-t with an embroidered emblem on the pocket. I’ve seen t-shirts with that basic pattern for years. I’ve seen them with pink triangles, rainbows, American flags, and a multitude of other symbols. Why was this one different? The Star maybe? I wondered how many more there are in retail world. I Googled “Star of David T-Shirts” and every one I found had a large Star prominently displayed across the chest and stomach areas. No small Stars over the left breast. I thought that was odd. I know I’ve seen polo shirts with Stars of David over the left breast at my JCC, so there obviously is no prohibition to where the Star can be placed. With the exception of the color choices, I couldn’t find a reason for the anti-Semitic label being applied to this particular shirt.

I also remembered that catalog sales companies rarely produce their own goods offered to the consumer for purchase. Urban Outfitters labeled the shirt as “Wood Wood Kellog Tee” which gave some clue as to the origin of the shirt. Wood Wood is a European company that sells over-priced clothing via several retail environments including internet and stand-alone stores. Their main website appears to be from Denmark. Surely, a Danish company wouldn’t be a party to open anti-Semitism given Denmark’s history in World War Two in which they did everything possible to save their Jewish community. While browsing their site I found the second t-shirt that could be viewed as promoting Jewish pride, complete with Israeli colors of white with blue; the model is even wearing shorts that make it resemble the Israeli flag.

In this particular case, I see a company that designed a shirt with a poor choice of color and layout that was purchased by a second company for distribution to the American public. I don’t believe there were any malicious intentions on the part of the designer in question, although I question their age, knowledge and sensitivity to history. To the Anti-Defamation League of Philadelphia, I would like to remind them of the hazards of crying wolf.